Biblical Marriage

I wrote recently about the cross-bearing (actually it's less burdensome than that, they are merely cross-wearing) "strong" women and their husbands/"partners"(posts are here and here):

Elderly statesmen, youngish virile world leaders, live-in boyfriends, and faithful, eunuchized husbands pose next to these women. Taken aback by their femaleness, they often stand next to (and by) them, showing their natural, masculine, respectful deferment towards them, the same protective instinct that lets them open doors for women. Yet, this deferment, when stretched to its limit, becomes acquiescence, and ultimately capitulation.

Yet, despite all this deferment, acquiescence and capitulation, it seems to me that men cannot be the kind of "men" these modern women want them to be, who seem to want it all, including feminist freedom, careers, beautiful feminine gifts for birthdays and anniversaries (and flowers once in a while), their husbands'/ partners' unpaid baby sitter services, and dinner on a schedule. This must be an exhausting way to live for the men.

Mark Richardson, over at Oz Conservative, has a post about marital happiness, and writes:

[T]he percentage of very happy marriages declined from the early 1970s to the mid 1980s and there has been no recovery since then.

So despite things being made easier for women to divorce their husbands, women are no more happier in their marriages - they are on average less so.

Nor do the statistics support the idea that women were made unhappy by the traditional family and had to be "liberated" from it. There were more very happy marriages back in 1973 than there are today.

I think that women file for divorce because of the behaviors of their husbands, who stop being attentive, who are away often, who immerse themselves in work, who don't buy those special gifts, who "forget" anniversaries, etc. And the women cosequently become "unhappy" wives.

And the husbands are often reacting to "unwifely" women.

There is a Biblical role for wives:

Titus 2:3-5

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

1 Timothy 5:14

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house

Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord

And a Biblical role for husbands:

1 Peter 3:7

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

1 Cor 11:3

"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ."

I think this kind of unwifely behavior by their wives unleashes a set of unattractive behavior in the husbands, including neglecting their wives and family through all kinds of pretexts, from undue time spent away from their family at "work" to forgetting special anniversaries and occasions. This passive aggressive behavior by men further unleashes the fury of the neglected wives, whose masculinized strength is no longer useful in the world of marriage, where female and male roles are subtly different.

Ultimately, though, I think the only strength men can acquire to bring their families together, and not to bail out on them, is to behave like strong heads of families.

Ephesians 5:23-31

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

And as controversial as this may sound, the Bible does leave room for divorce, if its tenets are not, will not, or cannot be met by the married couple.