White Men and Asian Women

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I've skirted around this topic for a while, but I will now be as clear as I can be.

I do this mini-survey on how many white male and Asian female couples I see in the downtown core of Toronto. I find that one in three or four couples are this mix. It is really disconcerting. I don't know why this is. I wonder at how these couples interact in society at large and within their own families. How is an Asian woman presenting her boyfriend/husband and eventually off-spring to her Asian family? How does the white male do so?

I think I've come up with an understanding. It is a little roundabout, and I'm thinking out loud, since no-one else (or no sociological report) will tell me the psychology, sociology or culture around this.

I think liberal (conservative-liberal) men are punishing white women for their feminism, or at least their support of feminism. Deep down, I don't think any male likes or supports feminism. It is essentially a movement against men.

So, these super-hypocritical liberalized white men, who ideologically support feminism, cannot do so in their private and family (and love) lives.

They goad on white (liberalized) women to follow this ideology but then they pull the rug out from under their feet. "We like what you say, but not in our castle" is their evil message.

Asian women, even those who've been brought up in the West, still have families which are largely patriarchal and "traditional" in the general sense, and they perfectly and cleverly fill in this gap by presenting themselves as more feminine and "female." They also appear as general lovers of masculine men, which I'm sure most white women are too, but feminism has fried the brains and hearts of many of them, and others have been conditioned to blindly follow the sisterhood into male bashing. Even the most "dragonized" Asian woman will beat a contemporary feminist white women when it comes to appreciating men.

But Asian woman are abandoning their own men. Why don't Asian men partner off with white women? I think that Asian men, who are most likely pretty misogynistic as far as I've seen in Asian culture (I used to teach English as a Second Language to Chinese immigrants for four years), are not attractive to feminism-touting Western women. Also, these liberalized women who are immersed in feminism, even if they don't blatantly practice it, are not attractive to Asian men. And why don't Asian men fight for their Asian women? I think they would have to go through hurdles of sexual and other types of harassment accusations to rein in Asian women. So, they are essentially left impotent.

Also, even when not feminism-entrenched, white men behave far more liberally (white men are more tolerant, treat their wives as partners and friends, etc.) than Asian men, all at the same time as giving the woman an important position of wife (and mother, if they have children). White me are, in short, nicer. Hence, clever Asian women make sure they partner with them, preferring them over their own Asian men.

Here are my thoughts on Asian family life in the West. I wouldn't be surprised if Asian mothers guide their daughters to wed white men. This means a comfortable life not just for the daughter, but for the whole family, giving it financial and even societal prestige. I get the feeling that there is very little resistance from Asian families when their children (primarily their daughters) begin to pair off with white men. I think the benefits for all of them outweigh any cultural or racial negatives. Plus, overwhelmingly, the offspring end up identifying with their Asian background than with their white background, so even generationally, they don't lose much.

It is white women who helped white men build the kind of civilization and culture which made them so superior and so admired throughout the world. Asians migrate to the West, and primarily to America and Canada, because these countries promise them (and offer them) better living standards than what they have in their own countries. Their own civilizations failed them in some sense, and that means that their ancestry, and by extension, they themselves, have failed. Intelligent whites should ask themselves what kind of society will these Asians, and their full or half-Asian off-spring, form in the West, having fled from their own unsatisfactory countries, which they themselves built.

I have written here and here about the limitations of symphony orchestras in Toronto and in North Carolina which have a large number of Asian musicians. I've written here about sub-standard of Asian graphic and textile designers, which is my field of expertise. I have collected numerous articles which show that although Asians are accepted in high levels in science and engineering programs in universities, they do not produce the same kinds of innovative and creative research as white researchers and scientists. What does this all mean for Western culture, society and civilization?

Asian women are aggressive when pursing white men, and understandably so since they have a lot to gain (at least temporarily). The naive white male is doing himself a disservice, and his own manhood to, when he impotently accepts these radical changes to his society.

But the reality doesn't seem so pristine for these white men married to Asian women. I've seen at least two white male/Asian female couples have loud arguments in the street. I've never seen this, ever, with other couples, mixed race or otherwise. Here is a Chinese forum with a thread titled "Reasons for divorce between Asian/Caucasian couples" and which starts with a "reyz02a" who is a white man writing:

Hello all, I am fairly new here on this discussion board. I actually found it while doing a comprehensive search for information about divorce rates between whites and asians. I was married for fifteen years to an American Born Chinese woman of Cantonese descent.

We had many difficulties in our marriage and even though we struggled greatly, we were unable to overcome some of the larger issues. We have been divorced for a year now and things have finally settled down.

I have developed a desire to put together a comprehensive report on the reasons for divorce between Asian and Caucasian couples. I would like to do a survey with a battery of questions and perhaps a few interviews of other couples who are either going through divorce, or have gone through divorce.

I personally found that a great many of our differences were cultural and we experienced great stress from some of these issues.

He continues about his "ex" and her ambiguous identification with her Chinese background:

My ex was actually first generation and was mostly on the fence as to whether she wanted to be Chinese or not. Sometimes, she had great disdain for everything Chinese and would knock them. Sometimes, she would relish in being Chinese. Very complex. That is why I have asked for help, for stories and for information. I am at a point in my life where I wish to understand what went wrong, perhaps as a catharsis in some ways, but certainly to help others, if I am able.

reyz02a continues that the cultural differences in the mixed marriages between Europeans and Asians can cause problems in their martial lives and could eventually break up these marriages:

Yes, I mean cultural differences between white and Asian Americans. Or, white Europeans and Asians. Essentially, to me, my ex wife's family was very different in the extreme. The foods were all different, the customs were all different. The ways of interacting were all very different. I made a lot of mistakes, social fau paux's. I can give you one "for instance". We were at a party at her cousin's house. I came up the stairs and saw her Auntie (Yeedle) and was so happy to see her, that I gave her a big hug. This was when we were first married. I came from a family where hugs were a part of life. Where my mother would pat her lap and sing us a song and certainly give us a "hug a day".

On the way home from the family party, my ex exploded and essentially dressed me down for hugging her Auntie. "Chinese don't hug, we don't touch each other like that, how can you be so stupid?"

Here's "bybell" on the second thoughts (after marriage!) of white men who were married to Asian women:

Back in college I had some grad student friends who were married (American guy, mainlander wife) and they said that the cultural differences were the main problem they faced and if they could do it over again they wouldn't've gotten married. If I remember correctly, they restrained themselves from having children in case things imploded.

A culture usually takes a long time to implode (or explode) when negative forces attack it, unless there is a full-out war against that culture (i.e. people killing each other and destroying the society through direct, organized armed strategy). Cultural war is much more subtle, much harder to identify, and often the "enemy" appears to be on the same side. I think the West, and Western culture specifically, has reached this face off on many levels. One of course is Islam's aggression, and another is more subtle, foreign cultural elements that are slowly eroding the society around them. I think Asians, and specifically Asian women, are playing a part in this erosion.