Monday, February 13, 2012

The Retreating "Tiger Mom"


I posted about author/lawyer/tiger-terrorist Amy Chua's impressions on National Post opinion writer Jonathan Kay, and how he might follow (or rather, how his wife might follow) her examples of bringing up children. The Kays have already somewhat diverged from her methods in that Mr. Kay doubts extra curricular reading classes will be of any use for his daughter's reading skills.

To digress, I agree with him. To many, reading is a necessity in life, to fulfill certain obligations and functions. I think this can be taught quite adequately in any school. To others (a few), reading is a real pleasure, and such enjoyment cannot be taught or enforced. I would recommend that the Kays leave their daughter alone and let her get the adequate instructions in her classes. Then maybe, when left alone, she might be one of those who loves reading. At this rate, any affection she may have for books might be stifled by her over-zealous parents. But, not being tiger whatevers, I don't think they cannot muster the necessary sternness of heart to enforce extra reading classes on their daughter, so I doubt that they will follow through with their plan anyway.

Amy Chua, her husband and one of their daughters were interviewed on the Wall Street Journal online program Speakeasy (Click on the "go to video center" link on the video to find the complete interview). I wonder at the attention this family is getting from serious publications like the WSJ, the New York Times, and so on. Are people really bereft of information on how to raise their children? Don't women have mothers, grandmothers, aunts, neighbors they can turn to for help on child rearing? Do they really need some odd family, and an even odder woman, telling them what to do?

Well, Chua, gesticulating wildly and smiling broadly, is having the time of her life on the show. She's in a mini-mini-skirt, a shaggy, cut-off jean skirt no less, looking like some middle-aged woman channeling her inner teenager, and with no style at that. Her daughter has come looking more demure, both in dress and behavior. And this is how Chua plans on teaching her daughter the facts of life, dressed like that? The insipid husband sits there with a blank expression, which belies his full approval and admiration of his wife's behavior. Why would he be there otherwise? Or are women so out of control (is Chua so out of control) that his only option is forever to keep quiet?

The interview is interesting because Chua is backtracking on her strict outlook, and says that her book was really a humorous take on her family life. No-one has mentioned humor once when reviewing her book. It must be some Asian thing that we're not getting. I think she's making it up. She got into so much trouble that she has to somehow modify her language and her opinions, even though they are clearly there in the book, in black and white.

Her daughter defends her. I don't blame her. Who wants to be ostracized by one's mother? I'm sure she went through a lot with her sister. And being the Westernized girls that they are, I'm sure they refused to participate in their mother's bullying. Chua had no choice but to go easy, if she wanted to keep her family in tact, and the rest of the world at bay.

It is once again a clever strategy that I've seen many Asians take. They come on forcefully, then they have to tread carefully, and retreat a little. This dogmatic, aggressive behavior I think is part of the Asian personality, but they are clever enough to step back when things get too heated.

I think that Chua's family will always be dealing with these push forward and pull back scenarios from her. I think this also reflects how Asians behave in our society in general. But at some point, if they get strong enough (in numbers and in convincing others of their methods), we might see some interesting cultural and societal repercussions.

I've written about the Toronto Symphony Orchestra's over-population by Asians, and how such an Asian-majority orchestra produces sub-standard music. I've described the aggressive Asian designer Vera Wang, whose clothes are coming apart in their seams, so to speak. Now, we have Amy Chua getting into the fundamentals of the family, which is the building block of any society.

We live in interesting times.